Cheating Death with Lazarus Pods

Has this Happened Before?

Stray debris ruptures your suit while on a space walk, you spend your last moments choking on the empty void of space.

You turn a corner in the ancient complex before the rusted turret creaks to life. You feel a loud pop in your eardrums before the bullet splits your skull in two.

Now, your crew must continue without you, or go through the hassle of finding some new rube. Space may be the foolhardy's grave, but there has to be a better way!

Solution:

With your friends at Lazarus LLC, you'll never have to worry again about the fragile nature of man again! Using our patented Lazarus Pods TM and DNA of the deceased, you can cheat death as many times as you wish!

Note Lazarus LLC is not responsible for any harm caused by the Lazarus Pods TM, including mutations and the spawning of hostile abominations (HP: 3/5, STR: 4/5, DEX: 2/5, WILL: 1/5). By utilizing our services or purchasing our Lazarus Pods TM, the user recognizes this and will claim full legal responsibility for their misuse of our product.

Options

For our valued patrons, we offer both on demand services and full ownership of a Lazarus Pod TM!

On Demand Services

Freemium Tier:

Cost: 1 month of Labor* (with ads).
Gestation Period: 4 months.
Costs Supplemented by broadcasting ads to the Fetus. Roll 1d6, you are now:

1. A Natron-Cola addict (Made with 99% daily sugar value).
2. Compelled to play Live Service games (Every month lose 1d20 × 10% of savings to macro-transactions).
3. A Mega-Media Zealot (50% of going into a frenzy after hearing any negative critique of your chosen Fandom).
4. A Techno-Cultist (The Meat lies, Algorithm is Truth, the Divine Metal always listens).
5. A Fashionista (Refuse to wear anything older then a year, but you always look striking).
6. A Jaded Minimalist (Buying anything "frivolous" causes Stress/Psychic Damage).

Premium Tier:

Cost: 1 month of Labor.*
Gestation Time: 4 days.
50% chance of developing a Defect.

Premium+ Tier:

Cost: 1 Year of Labor.*
Gestation Time: 4 days.
1% chance of developing a Defect.

Same Day Delivery:

Cost: 1 Month of Labor.*
Gestation Time: 4 hours.
100% chance of developing a Defect.

Owners Guide

Cost for 1 Lazarus Pod TM : 10 Years worth of Labor.*
Monthly Power Cost equivalent to powering a single family home for 1 month.
Minimum Calories per day: 10 daily rations. Each extra ration reduces Defect Chance by 1%.

Defect Chance: Initially 1%. If > 100%, the fetus mutates into a hostile abomination.
Gestation: Default 4 months. Rushing gestation period divides time by half, but doubles the Defect chance. Can Rush multiple times.

*Labor Costs: 1 Month / 28 days of Labor is the amount of wealth needed for the average person to pay for food and rent. Alternatively, 1 Month of Labor is equivalent to 1 Dangerous Mission.

Defect Table (2d6):

• 2- Complete Ego Death: Due to a clerical error, your memories have been mixed together with a previous occupant. You can either flip a coin to see which personality takes control, or kill both and form a new person from the gestalt.
  3- Memory Corruption: You forget the last 1d4 years of your life4-5- Accelerated Aging: The Age blockers failed to fully trigger. You now age 2d4  times faster.
• 6-9- Minor Mutation: Lucky You, you're little more special now! Roll once on the Effect and Body Parts Tables.
• 10-11- Increased Metabolism: require x2 the amount of food per day then normal.
• 12 Sickly- Disadvantage/Doubled Difficulty making saves related to poison, disease, and radiation.

Effect
Roll d66	1	2	3	4	5	6
1	Shrunken	Elongated	Contorted	Flattened	Narrow	Wide
2	Fungal	Serpentine	Canine	Feline	Fishy	Vermin
3	Vile	Slick	Graceful	Volatile	Sickly	Rotting
4	Multicolored	Ashy	Spotted	Vivid	Pasty	Dull
5	Enhanced	Extra	Brittle	Doughy	Rigid	Perforated
6	Fiery	Frigid	Stony	Viscous	Vapory	Charged

Body Parts
Roll d66	1	2	3	4	5	6
1	Head	Jaw	Eyes	Nose	Mouth	Ears
2	Left Arm	Hand	Finger	Thumb	Elbow	Shoulder
3	Right Arm
4	Left Leg	Foot	Toe(s)	Ankle	Knee	Tendon
5	Right Leg
6	Torso	Lung	Stomach	Heart	Ribs	Spin